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Posts Tagged ‘adult children’

I have had this piece of old luggage  that I have carried with me my entire life.  At times I didn’t notice it too much, because I turned it into a backpack, but it grew larger and heavier as time went on.  As long as I had distractions, I would forget it was there, but like an elephant in the room, everyone noticed how it was destroying me, causing me to be more burdened, and thrown off balance from it’s weight. Eventually, I had completely lost my way.

That old backpack carried years of unforgiveness, bitterness, and pain from my past.  I thought I could just talk through things with those who wronged me, ( parents)  and we could get all the closure and forgiveness, and all would be well with my soul, but when they  didn’t respond to my gesture, but accused me of just wanting to hurt them by talking to them, shunned me for half a year, then called one day as if all is well,  thoughts of closure were left unfulfilled.

I started sensing some ‘strangeness’ when my adult children would be with me, they had become so concerned about this  “pack” on my back how was sucking the life out of me, they got together with dad and called for an intervention. He never said anything to me, he had a’ hands off wait and see what happens as I pray approach.’  As I explained to him, it is like the scripture which says, two are better than one, when one falls in a ditch, the other is there to lift him out. I had felt my husband knew I was in the ditch, but was sitting under a tree to see if I could find a way out on my own. Two of my children are more vocal and will call me out on things, and the breakthrough began.

After conversations with one of my sons, I started to realize how much I needed more accountability and started bravely getting back involved in the women’s ministry.  I jokingly say all the time, “there are two types of women in the world… toxic, and non toxic”.  I grew up with the second type, and I think I have had a fear of women ever since.  The new subject of study?  Humility. Have I been blessed so far?  Well, I have met all the non-toxic, full of loving Balm of Gilead types!

After a long talk with my only daughter, who is ready to have her first child, I got view into some things God wanted to expose, deal with, and so it began.  I had a long talk with hubby that night, and as I prayed both as I fell to sleep and  when I woke up, God showed me a few MAJOR things.

I asked the Lord to please help me get over these things,  I don’t want to be crippled by them!  He gave me a scripture Matt 18:22 Jesus *said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”  In forgiveness, did it matter if we had talked it through? No. Just forgive… ALL of it!  Once and for all!  O.K.  I will with your help,  The Bitterness- lay it aside!   Eph 4:1  Yes, Lord, I will. This burden has been my constant companion for so many years, you will have to be my strength, but I am ready, your love has lifted this burden, and I am so new in you today.

I went straight to my computer to check Morning and Evening on line, C.H. Spurgeon. I was so blessed by it, I felt sure God changed the message to fit my need!

“I will help thee, saith the Lord.”—Isaiah 41:14.

HIS morning let us hear the Lord Jesus speak to each one of us: “I will help thee.” “It is but a small thing for Me, thy God, to help thee. Consider what I have done already. What! not help thee? Why, I bought thee with My blood. What! not help thee? I have died for thee; and if I have done the greater, will I not do the less? Help thee! It is the least thing I will ever do for thee; I have done more, and will do more. Before the world began I chose thee. I made the covenant for thee. I laid aside My glory and became a man for thee; I gave up My life for thee; and if I did all this, I will surely help thee now. In helping thee, I am giving thee what I have bought for thee already. If thou hadst need of a thousand times as much help, I would give it thee; thou requirest little compared with what I am ready to give. ‘Tis much for thee to need, but it is nothing for me to bestow. ‘Help thee?’ Fear not! If there were an ant at the door of thy granary asking for help, it would not ruin thee to give him a handful of thy wheat; and thou art nothing but a tiny insect at the door of My all-sufficiency. ‘I will help thee.'”
O my soul, is not this enough? Dost thou need more strength than the omnipotence of the United Trinity? Dost thou want more wisdom than exists in the Father, more love than displays itself in the Son, or more power than is manifest in the influences of the Spirit? Bring hither thine empty pitcher! Surely this well will fill it. Haste, gather up thy wants, and bring them here—thine emptiness, thy woes, thy needs. Behold, this river of God is full for thy supply; what canst thou desire beside? Go forth, my soul, in this thy might. The Eternal God is thine helper!

“Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismay’d!
I, I am thy God, and will still give thee aid.”

Just as Christian in Pilgrim’s Progress was not even close to completing his journey when his burden fell from his back, I too have a long way to go.250px-pilgrims_progress_22I will be writing so much more as He is doing His work in me!

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