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Posts Tagged ‘Bitterness’

A nagging wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day. (Proverbs 27:15) Drip, drip, drip… it makes you go crazy!  Have you ever been around couples, where the husband is passive, and the wife just drips continually?  Throughout the Proverbs, Solomon teaches his son about women, finding a good wife, among so many other things, he says this about that nagging woman: “It is better to live on the corner of the rooftop, than in a house with a quarrelsome wife” Prov 25:24.

So why the nagging? Is it fun? Do you just think he deserves to be shot machine-gun like with choice morsels of cleverly formed jabs, so he will be sure of your disapproval?  Don’t think I am only going to address how this applies to your marriage.  If you are nagging him, you are nagging your kids too.  Track with me for a minute, there is something at the core of this,  Much of it can stem from the poor modeling, you grew up with a “Hover Mother” constantly on you for this or that.  You could just be very unhappy with life, disappointed with how things have panned out, you are taking that frustration out on those around you…maybe you don’t even realize you are doing it.  Are you being accused of nagging?  You are undoubtedly frustrated with people not listening to you, not doing what you ask them to do, but how are you communicating?

There should be good communication between you and your spouse, if there is something you are having difficulty with, you need to talk it over while you are both in a good place, not when the issue becomes heated.  If, after he/she is spoken to, knows how you feel, and doesn’t respond, it is your turn to offer help, or just take it to God.  Many times God will change us, and our attitudes, before He changes someone else s’ bad habit.

Let’s address those core issues for a second. You need to so some soul searching here.  If things are coming out pear shaped because you are disappointed with your life, feel let down, you have unresolved bitterness, these things need to be dealt with. How?  The first step is recognize that they are there, next, you need to take them to God, he can heal you of those things, you should also talk with someone you trust, and pray with them about it.  I always say that the skeleton when left in the closet, has the power to get scary, but bring him into the light, and all he is, is old, lifeless, bones. Bring old “boney” out, and deal with the core issues, you will feel so much better!

For the life of me I just do not understand couples who cut each other down.  Worse yet, is when they do it in front of a room full of people.  It is like a dagger in MY gut, when I hear couples tear each other apart, or humiliate their spouse.  The entire room turns frigid with the lack of love, discretion, and prudence.  It makes you wonder what kind of relationship a person has, that they would cast their spouse in the worst possible light, rather than present the best side of them, knowing every flaw intimately, privately.  Being the most important person in your life, you want to be sure that people see the good in your spouse, not exposing those flaws, they are yours to know, you are one flesh.  You have each others backs, you will defend them and honor them to the end. That is how it should be!

So they don’t pick up after themselves, they have bad habits, you have things you have to put up with,old boney is rattling your cage, Yeah, So? I have only one thing left to say:

1Cr 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind {and} is not jealous; love does not brag {and} is not arrogant,
1Cr 13:5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong {suffered,}
1Cr 13:6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
1Cr 13:7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1Cr 13:8 Love never fails; but if {there are gifts of} prophecy, they will be done away; if {there are} tongues, they will cease; if {there is} knowledge, it will be done away.
1Cr 13:9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part;
1Cr 13:10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
1Cr 13:11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.
1Cr 13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.
1Cr 13:13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Let the Love of Christ do it’s perfect work in us, we only have this short time with our family, with no “do-overs” don’t waste it nagging.

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~ Harsh Words ~

I ran into a stranger as he passed by. “Oh excuse me please” was my reply. He said, “Please excuse me too; I wasn’t watching for you.” We were very polite, this stranger and I. We went on our way and we said good-bye.

But at home a different story is told, how we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal, my son stood beside me very still. When I turned, I nearly knocked him down. “Move out of the way,” I said with a frown. He walked away, his little heart broken. I didn’t realize how harshly I’d spoken.

While I lay awake in bed, God’s still small voice came to me and said, “While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, but the children you love, you seem to abuse. Go look on the kitchen floor, you’ll find some flowers there by the door.” “Those are the flowers he brought for you. He picked them himself; pink yellow and blue. He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise, and you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.”
By this time, I felt very small, and now my tears began to fall. I quietly went and knelt by his bed; “Wake up, little one, wake up,” I said. “Are these the flowers you picked for me?” He smiled, “I found ’em out by the tree.” “I picked ’em because they’re pretty like you. I knew you’d like ’em, especially the blue.” I said, “Son, I’m very sorry for the way I acted today; I shouldn’t have yelled at you that way.” He said, “Oh, Mom, that’s okay. I love you anyway. I said, “Son, I love you too, and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.”

Author unknown

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands”. Proverbs 14:1
It is a strange sounding proverb, but when you understand it’s meaning, it speaks volumes to us.
Have you ever heard a mother or father say ” do as I say, don’t do as I do” ? Talk about a strange thing to say! If you as a parent think your child, at any age doesn’t grasp the hypocrisy in that statement, you are doomed to fail from the start.
The wisdom of knowing that your children see more than you know, and are taught more by your example than what you SAY to them is paramount. You can do more damage to a child by living a lie, and not owning up to things than you might think. Herein lies the importance of getting past the ‘past’ , and making a step towards identifying the ‘what and why’ of your own attitudes, and behaviors. They are rooted in your upbringing, situations, traumas, etc. but they need to be put where they belong… In the past! Yes, there will always be remnants, or scars, but a productive, happy life can be enjoyed by you and your loved ones, I assure you. Is it easy? Not always, for some it is, but we all have different experiences. One of the main things I must say is a valuable thing I learned through it all, is that forgiveness is the most important component.
I recently saw a little quote that read: “If you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere”. Hebrews 12 says that bitterness “defiles many” . Unforgiveness towards a toxic parent(s) will cause bitterness to take root in the heart, defiling the home environment. If you have experienced a tragic childhood, harbor bitterness towards parents, and want to go on this journey towards a new life of healing, and positive parenting, take time to identify those things, first ask for forgiveness for the bitterness, and help to forgive, and an opportunity to reconcile if possible. We will spend many more days looking at many issues, but this is the first step. Now go, get quiet with God.

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