There is a song by the late Roby Duke, in which one of the verses says: “at the end of my rope He made a swing for me, and I swing without fear of tomorrow”. How that verse ministers to me in my times of suffering. I have been ill for the last several days, and when I get sick, I go down for the count. I can chalk that up to having fibromyalgia, I just don’t get over things the way most people do. As I have been having this time of pain, and illness, I have been reminded of a time back when the children were younger, I was not yet diagnosed with fibro, and I was in the center ring of the three ring circus I called my life. It was ‘all on’ all the burners were firing so to speak. Four kids homeschooling, a large garden, fruit trees, a small business, a husband commuting 65 miles to work, we were serving at church, the directors of children’s ministries, my husband on the elders board, meetings, church three times a week…WHEW!
My body was becoming ‘a walking, talking syndrome’ everything was going wrong , not able to sleep or eat, I got down to 97 pounds, very weak and dehydrated. I ended up in the hospital. When I was in the hospital room changing into my gown, seeing nothing but bones, crying, I prayed, Lord, I have nothing left of me, I can’t do anything for anyone. I can’t do anything for you, or my family, or anyone…I am undone. The Lord spoke to my heart, and told me, that is where you need to be to understand what I have done for you. Apart from me you can do nothing.
John 1:3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.4 Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. 5“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
Up to that time, and admittedly, some time after, I had never grasped the fact that I could do absolutely nothing apart from the grace and mercy of God. Additionally, I never understood that He loved me when I was at my lowest, most wretched state, as much as when I was the most pious. These concepts were never hard for my husband to grasp, he had a happy childhood, with parents who were very affirming, he exudes confidence from every cell of his being. Conversely, with my dysfunctional childhood, I never understood unconditional love, I could not grasp it to save my life! I know with all my heart there are some of you out there who can relate to this, there are so many people who have struggled with this I have spoken with personally. The thought that God could love me without me earning it… or someone else like my husband could love me, and keep loving me without me proving to him my worth over and over again. How liberating to know that the grace and mercy of God has been extended to us, and there need not be anything more added to what He has done for us- as a matter of fact, our adding to it is filthy, (Isaiah 64:6) and an insult to His perfect work. When we understand who he is, The God of heaven and earth, who created all things, past present future; Philippians 2:6 ‘Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the very nature Or the form of a servant,being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death–even death on a cross’ It makes it easier to put into perspective our place , realizing that there is no way we can add anything to what he has done for us. The one thing I was left with through pondering the passage in Philippians, is a sense of awe of Jesus, He gave up everything and became like us. Because of His great Love and Mercy, he bought my pardon, and made it possible for me to be reconciled with The Father, and have hope and healing.
Through death comes life. I can’t understand His unsearchable love for me, until I die to myself and my old way of thinking, understanding that when He said “it is finished” He paid the final price for sin. That was my final liberation, mine and yours. I heard a pastor on the radio give a message one day, telling a story about a man who was having difficulty with smoking cigarettes. He felt guilt and shame about his smoking habit, and went to the pastor about it. The pastor told the man to just go smoke his cigarettes, and just delight himself in his salvation, don’t worry so much- take pleasure in your God. A few weeks later, the man returned , saying he felt so free, and giddy from the pastors answer, he forgot to smoke! He gave them up with ease, by just delighting in his salvation. I think we forget about just delighting in the salvation He has bestowed upon us, the mercies,(being given more than we deserve) and we reflect more often upon the deep pit we have been rescued out of,rather than the heights to which He is taking us! Delight yourself also in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
I want to conclude this with a song from the group Leeland, watch the video, listen to the words, I hope they minister to you. I would love to hear some feedback from someone, or if you would like to message me, my email is there, it will not be published, and will be held in strict confidence.
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